晒老妈刚换下来的内裤:You Are Always With Us

You Are Always With Us

(When I am in a bad mood, I’d like to pick up myballpoint pen and write something. While this time I feel that any languages Ican make use of to describe my father is far more sufficient and accurate,ether it will be written in Chinese or English. But as one of his children， who has received college education,I feel it a must and my duty to set down what I have known about him though itwill not be all-inclusive.)

———树欲静而风不止，子欲孝而父不在，如此，悔恨愧疚之情何其强烈！唯有变得坚强，尽己之力双倍报答和关心正在痛苦中挣扎的母亲，让她知道还有两个儿子一直在陪伴着她。

    I havealways been paying much attention to the dreams I have dreamed and what dreamsI fear most are those about the bad news about my family. And dreaming that myparents get dead at least two times has been an unbearable pain of me and nowand then I would give worrying thoughts to my parents, afraid of one day whenactually any one will not be there with me.

    Severalweeks ago, one of my female college classmates wrote an article about herfather whose finger had been recently cut off when doing carpenter’s work. Itshould be my honor that she was willing to share this article with me .Inanswering to it ,I made some comments and expressed my wish on what I would doand had to do for my father with a piece of my own paper attached to hernotebook.

    Some days ago,or on Sep 25th, 2010, I invited a girl in my class to hit a short talk with mein Chinese. During our talk, future plans and the fragility of being humanbeings were always set as the topics which seemed to be chosen by the Heavenfor us. We held that human beings were so fragile that any accidents ordiseases might happen here and there which may cause death around us.

    In theevening of Sep 26th, 2010, I planned to invite one of my college classmates totalk with me for my being in a bad mood urged me to do so but I was declined.So I went on reciting the words, phrases and sentences on the New OrientalVocabulary book of intermediate and advanced interpretation.

    Nearly afteran hour passed, my mobile phone cried with the ringtone of Dui Wang. A strange numberappeared on the screen but after I pulled it through, a familiar but dull voicepenetrated into my ear. It was the man my parents work with. He only hoped meto hasten to Hangzhou as soon as possible but not told me what on earth hadhappened there .However, I already produced some evil omens that there must besomething not so good having befallen on my parents.

    Even so, Iwas trying to ask him for more information and he replied that there were justsome small things. But from his voice and the mood, I was apt to be sure thatmy parents must have suffered some disastrous accident or disease .So I didn'tdare to go on asking him about the whole matter but carried the book and headedfor the dormitory as quickly as my legs could carry me. On the way, I knew Ihit some girl heavily but I still ran towards the dormitory without even makingan apology to her by lowering my head and a smiling face.

    After ashort moment, I reached the dorm room and found only two roommates in. Whenthey realized I were in a hurry and anxious to take out my backpack ,they askedme what had happened .But all the words from my mouth were so vague and seemedto make up no sentences that I didn't know what had been said .Knowing that Idad not got enough money, I had to ask them for help but no use for the lack ofmoney. So I decided to go to the self study hall, hoping that some friendsstudying there could help me. At last, two of them chipped in one hundred RMBto me and then I got on the no.801 bus. Suddenly, I received a phone call frommy elder brother who asked me when I could arrive in Hangzhou. At that time, I still dare not askmy brother about the whole thing but answered that I were heading for the trainstation for taking the nearest train. While after that phone call, I was on thebrink of tears. But I held back doing so because I was afraid of crying inpublic.

    Whenreaching the train station, I received a call again from the man who made thefirst phone call to me. He hoped me to charter a taxi and got there ASAP. Tillthat moment, I was 100 percent sure that my parents were hit upon some evil fate,which made me feel feeble instantly from head to toe.

    Afterrepeated difficulties, I finally chartered a cab whose owner was willing todrive me from Hefei to Hangzhou. While on the cab, I couldn't helpcrying I tried to control but never effective till the transfer of another cabbecause the first cab didn't want to take the risk for so long a distance. Andas a matter of fact, it was so foggy and rainy all the way. On the way, thedriver asked me for traveling fee, but I only got less then two hundred Yuanwith me. So he became bored and anxious quickly, worrying that he could not getthe money upon arrival. He seemed to regret driving me, but the car had startedfor a long distance. Having no choice, he was determined to retain my ID cardand he did it at length. In the following hours on the cab, I received several calls,some of which were from my maternal uncle who wanted to know when I would getto the final destination and manifested his sadness through the phone, whichadded more pain and anger to me.

    Afterseveral hours’ chasing the time, I saw my mother and was assured that my fatherhad passed away and was placed in the mortuary with no one accompanying him. Mymother was almost collapsed, lying on the bed without even the physicalendurance to erect her weather-beaten and emaciated body. The first time I saw her,I really could not believe my mother was the very person. Just as my elderbrother cried later,” she is fundamentally not looking like a real human being.I even couldn't recognize her."

    However, Ihad never asked anyone how my father died. Learning the words from others aboutmy father that he was terribly crushed by a huge bale of reinforcing steelsfrom the tower crane with a grim death, I just turned my face against thewindow and cried silently, not knowing how to comfort and pacify my mother.

    Since myfather was not there with my mother any more, she had no choice but to accept thetruth with two basic requirements. One was that the body of my father mustremain whole, not allowing other people to cut any organs of my father away secretly;the other was the accompany of my father home personally all the way from Hangzhou to Wangjiang, Anqing.Actually, I also took it for granted that it was never out of question fundamentally.But after reasonable thought of the latter, we would not find it hard to knowthat under the circumstances of the World Expo, long distance transport and thewarmish climate, it was virtually impossible to make it. When the cremationceremony was being held, there was a short period of time for only me and mybrother to keep in accompany with my father who was wheeled to the farewellhall of the funeral parlor (mortuary house) in Hangzhou with flowers around his body. To be frank,I did not cried or shed tears when my paternal grandma and elder maternalgrandpa and maternal great grandma passed away .But this time I felt a spasmand lacking energy to stand beside my father while we were crying loudly. Itwas at that moment that I begin to hold the realization of real goodbye to aperson.

    In a word,my father has left his family forever but he will be always with me, my mother,my elder brother, my elder sister-in-law and maybe my three-year-old niece as well.We will make enough room for his existing in our inner hearts. And thecollection of the whole family with him will be stored deeply in our mind forgood and never fade.

    My fatherhas been living in an impoverished village named Red Star village since hisbirth 56 years ago. Because of his being poor, at his early era, gettingmarried seemed to be of fat chance for him. Fortunately, when he was nearly inhis 30s, my mother appeared whose living standard was somewhat better than his.As a matter of fact, with her physical beauty and spiritual morality, my motherchose him only considering his being a good man among his village. Although Idon't have any knowledge of his appearance when he was young, I once read someletters accidentally written from my mother's elder brother, in which he wasmeant to warn my father and told him to treat my mother well andwhole-heartedly and also confided the reasons why he was chosen by my mother.With the recent information from an elderly woman in the village, I turned toknow that actually my maternal great grandma was against the marriage. Whileunder the support of my elder maternal grandpa and her own willfulness, theybecame a couple.

    In my memory,my father was a fishing master who could fish with some unusual bait for thepurpose of getting some big fishes. Each time he was fishing, there would be myshadow because I was fond of watching fishing very much especially beside him.But when we, his children grew up, he gradually drew his attention to otherthings which in his mind were more important and necessary, such as bambooweaving.

    To speak of weaving,the small bamboo forest in the garden played a crucial role. Maybe it was theHeaven's conferment on an industrial man, that garden belonged to my father.And he also lived up to the Heaven's expectations, making the best use of thebamboo by weaving so many exquisite baskets and a lot of other domestic wares,which benefited all the villagers. This is also one reason that makes my mothercall him a versatile man all the time when he died.

   My father isa pure farmer without learning any kinds of skills from some certain teachers.Unlike my elder brother who is a real carpenter, he is neither a carpenter nora bricklaying man (trowel man).But so long as such things came, he would neverrefuse to do them and usually did quite well. His own house existing in thepast is probably his work.

    If yourfather is still around, never forget to love him more than ever. And if he is not,always remember his unconditional love and pass it on.

    Pleasealways remember to love your parents for you've got only one natural father andone natural mother to love and to be loved in your life.

     Musicalinstruments such as flutes, piano and guitar have been one essential part of mylife. According to the hereditary (genetic) theory, I conjecture that my fathershould also show much interest in musical instruments .And the fact, in my eyes,is that he is a good player of both flute and Chinese erhu fiddle. One of hisnieces in the hometown nicknamed him "fiddle" and me"flute" .Thus it will not be too hard to obtain the knowledge ofthinking my father and I have been, in a sense, connected by musicalinstruments.

    Poor as myfather was, he was very kind-hearted and ready to render helps to others .Oncehe was determined to help somebody, he would go out of his way to perfect it,which just applies to my disposition a lot. Maybe he had understood the meritsof being a good man by giving full display to his kindness. As to this, Ishould extend my cordial gratitude to him.

    Now that myfather married such a good wife, what would he do to my mother and how would hetreat my mother? Actually he was very competent to be either a husband or a father.Seeing from the surface, it was my father who wore the pants home, but most ofthe time he had to give way to my mother. Even though they often quarreled witheach other, at last to recede was always on my father's part.

    To collectthe memory, I could often recall the scene when I was just in Grade 2 in the primary school. He was riding abike but carried both me and my elder brother. When reaching the muddy and rugroad, the bike fell onto the ground but we all laughed .Even now, I still feelit a greatly delightful experience. And I think this will be a lasting pleasurefor me when he is alive. But at the thought of it now, it gets painful.

    Every fatherwants his own children to receive complete education, so does mine. As I am hisyounger son, he attached more care on me than my brother. Usually, he was veryrigorous with us but when I stepped into senior high school; his attitudetowards me seemed to have changed considerably. He seldom put pressure on me bysaying some deep-meaning words. Only one time after he was drunk, when I waswatching TV series, he went into my room and talked to me .At that moment, Iwas nearly scared the shit out of me. His voice was a bit rough and loud and heexpressed his worries and whole family's expectations on me. My brother droppedaway from school without even finishing the study in Grade 1 in the Taici middle school .I couldunderstand that all my father said was right and to the point. Maybe it wasjust because of this, I felt a pang of fear and anxiety, no words out from mymouth.

    This year myparents went to Hangzhouand worked there. Because I have once been there to meet them, I clearly knowthe mal-condition. My father liked drinking and smoking but it has all been history.Under the straightened situation, he gave up smoking so many years ago. And drinkingtemperately, according to his words, is good to his health. So each day, forthe case of working well, he would drink some and he often urged my mother tofollow him. When I am home with him, I would also drink as long as thesituation permitted. He was afraid of insolation very much and he thought thatdrinking beer would help relieve the pain from the sweltering weather. But thissummer, my mother witnessed drastic changes on him: he seldom drank and neverquarreled with my mother even when she lost 1,500 RMB, he turned to console her;he played more attention to his children and granddaughter than ever by makingphone calls to us day by day which made me curious; often reminded my mother ofthe definite dates of our birthdays, after mine, my brother's and then myniece's, and then...My mother feels extremely abashed at the moment in time forneglecting him at that pivotal moment. However, I should also feel ashamed.

    During thesummer vacation, my father had a short stay at home for my tuition and one ofour relatives who was terribly ill in bed. He was so hasted that spent solittle time home with me. But I always treat it a great time of my driving himout and home for three days in succession by motorbike. Five days later, hewent back to Hangzhou,and telephoned me later of the uncertainty of preparing my tuition. I tried tocontrol my impulse of speaking roughly to him, but I failed and he seemed toget angry with me .Thus all left to me was regret and the following three daysbecame the period of my being ill just because I spoke a little hard to my father.Now my hatred towards myself increases a great deal.

    ...

    There aretwo times for me to dream that my father gets alive again and lives with ushappily but I couldn't think out what it is that makes him alive no matter howhard I try to know. Maybe my father has really been dead...

    My birthdayis just around the corner, but I could never hear my father's voice again, onlyconceiving of the best times we are together!