蓝色封皮特殊纸:决胜健身房的27条军规（双语）

来源：百度文库编辑：中财网时间：2024/05/05 17:32:42

Sweating is a good way to begin 2012. Exercise, like dark chocolate and office meetings that suddenly get canceled, is a proven pathway to nirvana. But if you're going to join a gym -- or returning to the gym after a long hibernation -- consider the following:

1. A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a bar.

2. Give yourself a goal. Maybe you want to lose 10 pounds. Maybe you want to quarterback the New York Jets into the playoffs. But be warned: Losing 10 pounds is hard.

3. Develop a gym routine. Try to go at least three times a week. Do a mix of strength training and cardiovascular conditioning. After the third week, stop carrying around that satchel of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.

4. No one in the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading 'The New Yorker' and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle. No one.

5. Bring your iPod. Don't borrow the disgusting gym headphones, or use the sad plastic radio attachment on the treadmill, which always sounds like it's playing Kenny Loggins from a sewer.

6. Don't fall for gimmicks. The only tried-and-true method to lose 10 pounds in 48 hours is food poisoning.

7. Yes, every gym has an overenthusiastic spinning instructor who hasn't bought a record since 'Walking on Sunshine.'

8. There's also the Strange Guy Who is Always at the Gym. Just when you think he isn't here today . . . there he is, lurking by the barbells.

9. 'Great job!' is trainer-speak for 'It's not polite for me to laugh at you.'

10. Beware a hip gym with a Wilco step class.

11. Gyms have two types of members: Members who wipe down the machines after using them, and the worst people in the universe.

12. Nope, that's not an 'recovery energy bar with antioxidant dark chocolate.' That's a chocolate bar.

13. Avoid Unsolicited Advice Guy, who, for the small fee of boring you to death, will explain the proper method for any exercise in 45 minutes or longer.

14. You can take 10 Minute Abs, 20 Minute Abs, and 30 Minute Abs. There is also Stop Eating Pizza and Eating Sheet Cake Abs -- but that's super tough!

15. If you're motivated to buy an expensive home exercise machine, consider a 'wooden coat rack.' It costs $40, uses no electricity and does the exact same thing.

16. There's the yoga instructor everyone loves, and the yoga instructor everyone hates. Memorize who they are.

17. If you see an indoor rock climbing wall, you're either in a really cool gym or a romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson.

18. Be cautious about any class with the words 'sunrise,' 'hell,' or 'Moby.'

19. If a gym class is going to be effective, it's hard. If you're relaxed and enjoying yourself, you're at brunch.

20. If you need to bring your children, just let them loose in the silent meditation class. Nobody minds, and kids love candles.

21. Don't buy $150 sneakers, $100 yoga pants, and $4 water. Muscle shirts are for people with muscles, and rhythm guitarists.

22. Fancy gyms can be seductive, but once you get past the modern couches and fresh flowers and the water with lemon slices, you're basically paying for a boutique hotel with B.O.

23. Everyone sees you secretly racing the old people in the pool.

24. If you're at the point where you've bought biking shoes for the spinning class, you may as well go ahead and buy an actual bike. It's way more fun and it doesn't make you listen to C+C Music Factory.

25. Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories.

26. A successful gym membership is like a marriage: If it's good, you show up committed and ready for hard work. If it's not good, you show up in sweatpants and watch a lot of bad TV.

27. There is no secret. Exercise and lay off the fries. The end.

2012，你可以大汗淋漓地开始新的一年。健身如同黑巧克力或是意外取消的办公室会议一样，是让人忘掉烦恼的最佳办法。如果你刚加入健身俱乐部，或者是经过一冬的蛰伏之后重回健身房，考虑一下这27条建议吧：

1. 健身房的用途不是让你一置身其中就立刻感觉良好。能够让你一下子感觉好起来的地方叫做酒吧。

2. 给自己定个目标。也许你想减掉10磅体重，抑或是担任纽约喷气机队(New York Jets)组织进攻的四分卫，带领球队打进季后赛。但是请当心，减掉10磅可没那么容易。

3. 制定一个定期去健身房的计划。加把劲，每周至少去3次。把力量训练和心肺功能训练相结合。第三周之后，就别背着小包带新烤出来的巧克力曲奇饼去健身房了。

4. 历史上，从未有人能够在健身房一边读《纽约客》(The New Yorker)一边缓慢地踩着横卧自行车还能减掉一磅肉的。一个也没有。

5. 带上你的iPod。不要租用健身房里脏兮兮的耳机，或者使用跑步机上破烂的塑料装置，用这种设备听肯尼?洛金斯(Kenny Loggins)的歌逊毙了。

6. 不要相信速成减肥法。唯一能够信得过的在48小时内减掉10磅体重的办法就是食物中毒。

7. 是的，每个健身房里都有一个热心过头的动感单车教练，此人自从《走在阳光下》(Walking on Sunshine)之后就再也没有买过什么唱片。

8. 还有一个永远都会在健身房里出现的怪人。你刚刚还在想，哦他今天没来，结果下一秒就发现他在杠铃旁鬼鬼祟祟地潜伏着。

9. 教练说“好样的”意思就是“笑话你显得我没有礼貌”。

10. 慎入提供Wilco舞步课程的新潮健身俱乐部。

11. 健身房里有两种人：一种人在使用完健身器材之后会将器材清洁干净，另一种则是世界上最恶劣的一群人。

12. 世界上不存在所谓的“抗氧化黑巧克力能量补充棒”。它就是巧克力棒。

13. 对任何不请自来主动提供建议的人都要敬而远之。他们对任何运动都要讲解上45分钟，甚至更长，而解释的内容却无聊得要死。

14. 你可以做10分钟腹肌训练，也可以做20分钟或30分钟。另外，你也可以做“从此不吃披萨改吃大片蛋糕”训练，不过这个难度相当大。

15. 如果你心里长草想要购买一台昂贵的家用健身机的话，可以考虑买个木制衣帽架。只需40美元，不用电，而且功能完全一样。

16. 健身房里有人人都喜爱的瑜伽教练，也有人人都讨厌的瑜伽教练。记清他们都是谁。

17. 如果你看到一个室内攀岩壁，那么说明你选的这家健身房真的很酷，又或者你是进入了凯特?哈德森(Kate Hudson)主演的浪漫喜剧的布景区。

18. 慎选名字里带有“日出”、“地狱”和“莫比”(Moby)字样的课程。

19. 健身房的课程如果要奏效的话，肯定是有难度的。如果你感到放松愉快，那么你不是在运动，你是在吃早午餐。

20. 如果你需要带着孩子去健身房，让他们去上冥想课然后就不用管了。没人会在意，而且孩子都喜欢蜡烛。

21. 别买150美元的运动鞋，也别买100美元的瑜伽服，或是4美元一瓶的水。无袖紧身衫是给身材完美的人和节奏吉他手准备的。

22. 华丽的健身房可能很有诱惑力，不过一旦漂亮的沙发、鲜花和柠檬水不再让你感兴趣时，你实际上就是在花钱住大酒店──而且还有狐臭味。

23. 你在泳池里暗暗地和老年人较劲比谁游得快时，大家都看得见。

24. 如果你已经为上动感单车课程买了一双自行车鞋，那么你最好再买一辆真正的自行车。骑真正的自行车更有趣，也没有人强迫你听C+C Music Factory。

25. 分享一个事实：如果你只是想着想去健身房而不付诸行动，半个卡路里也烧不掉。

26. 你和健身房之间的关系和婚姻关系差不多。如果关系良好，那么你会忠贞不渝，甘愿为之苦心经营；如果关系不好，你只会穿着宽松的运动裤看大量垃圾电视节目而已。

27. 最后一条，减肥没有秘诀。运动，加上拒绝油炸食品就够了。

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