西安移门定做:性幻想比我们想象的更隐秘

The media rush to label Rihanna a lesbian raises the question of how our private fantasies relate to our real-world identities

媒体急于给蕾哈娜贴上女同性恋的标签，提出了个人的性幻想和现实世界身份关系的问题。

Rachel Kramer Bussel guardian.co.uk, Wednesday 26 October 2011 11.30 BST Article history  

    米切尔·克雷默·巴斯尔 guardian.co.uk, Wednesday 26 October 2011 11.30 BST 

Speculation about Rihanna fails to take into account the complicated relationship between fantasy and reality. Photograph: Mark Sumner/Rex Features

对蕾哈娜的推定没能重视幻想与现实之间的复杂关系。

照片提供：马克·萨姆纳/雷克斯·费切斯

Rihanna's a lesbian! Or at least, that's what certain publications would have you believe, all based on the evidence that she was seen carrying a copy of photographer Ellen von Unwerth's book Omahyra & Boyd, which features erotic bondage and lesbian imagery. If every woman who's ever admired another woman's body or a photograph of a sexy woman were considered a lesbian, we'd be hard-pressed to find any straight women.

蕾哈娜是女同志！至少，那些“言之凿凿”的说法会让你深信不疑，而唯一的证据就是有人看到她拿着一本摄影师埃伦·凡·昂沃丝的书《欧玛依拉和博伊德》，那上面尽是色情捆绑和女同照片。如果有哪个女人夸赞另一个女人的身体或者一张性感的照片就断定她是女同性恋的话，那要找到一个正常的女人就太难了。

Obviously there are plenty of reasons Rihanna might have had the book with her, whether to get video ideas or because Von Unwerth photographed her Rated R album cover. But the broader question raised is whether engaging in sexual fantasies is anything to be ashamed of, and my answer is a hearty "no".

很显然，蕾哈娜可能会找来成堆的理由证明为何和那本书在一起，不管是寻求拍摄MV的灵感，抑或是凡·昂沃丝要给她拍摄R级专辑封面。但一个更大的问题来了：是否所有关于那些动人的性幻想都是可耻的呢？我的回答是响亮的“不”字！

A recent Boise State University study of 484 heterosexual women that showed that "50% of the women had fantasies about other women that involved some kind of sexual experience". Does this mean they're bisexual? Lesbian? Bicurious? Who knows and, to a degree, who cares? We don't need to label every thought that comes into our minds, unless doing so helps us in some way. I'd imagine that there are plenty of heterosexual men who've entertained a homoerotic fantasy at some point, but are reluctant to admit that for fear that doing so would "make" them gay. The same goes for sadomasochism and dominance and submission. Plenty of people get off to BDSM scenarios they wouldn't necessarily want to try, yet too many are ashamed of these fantasies and don't even fully admit them for fear of being seen as somehow deviant, when the fact is that eroticising power, helplessness and pain are extremely common.

    博伊西州立大学最近一项针对484异性恋女性的一项调查表明，“50％的女性对别的女性有性幻想是和某种性体验有着密切联系的。”难道这就意味着她们是双性恋？同性恋？还是异性恋？天知道，而且在某种程度上又有谁在乎呢？我们不必要为每件闯进脑子里的想法贴上标签，除非那么做会有某种助益。我曾想，是不是有很多在同性恋上也抱有一点幻想的异性恋男人，可他们自己又不愿意承认？是因为那么做恐怕会使他“变成”一个男同？对那些性受虐狂、支配狂、受奴役狂来说同样如此。很多人远离BDSM（绑缚与调教+支配与臣服+施虐与受虐）并不一定是不想去尝试，大概仅仅想一想羞耻感也太强了，以致于害怕被视为不正常，这甚至完全阻止了他们。事实上性欲强烈、无奈和痛苦是极其常见的。

Attraction and action are two distinct things. Sometimes they are one and the same, and visualising yourself in a given sexual situation will lead to wanting to pursue it, but not always. We need to put a higher value on the act of fantasising and recognise that it can help revive a relationship or be a tool in figuring out what arouses us. Maybe you fantasise about being with someone other than your longterm partner, or watching them with someone, or having sex in an exotic location, or being watched, or something that couldn't ever happen in real life. Allowing yourself the freedom to simply explore what turns you on, sans judgment, is important.

爱慕和行动完全是两码事儿。可有时候他们又是一码事儿。设想自己在一个设定的性行为场景中，能推动性行为的延续，但也并不总是有效。我们需要给予性幻想一个更高的地位，并承认它有助于恢复一种联系，或弄清激发我们性欲因素的一种工具。或许你可以幻想和你长期伴侣之外的另一个人做，或者“看”到他（她）在和别人做，或者在一个新奇的地方做爱，或者做的时候被别人发现，甚至其它决不会出现在现实生活中的情形。允许你自己在不加判断前提下自由而简单地探究到底是什么吸引你才是最重要的。

Our fantasies aren't always literal, but they are a vital and vibrant aspect of one's sexuality. As Your Brain on Sex author Stanley Siegel writes:

我们的性幻想并不总是干瘪瘪的，但他们代表性生活中极其重要而又充满活力的一面。正如《性中的大脑》一文作者斯坦利·西格尔所写：

"What many of us don't recognise (or if we do, are fearful to acknowledge) is that what we are actually engaging in physically with a partner may be less compelling than what goes on in our private thoughts and fantasies at the time. In fact, for most of us, it is more often the images, thoughts and fantasies in our imagination during sexual contact that brings us closer to climax."

“何以我们很多人不承认（或者假如我们做了却害怕承认），与伴侣身体的真实吸引力相比，我们在做那个时候的那些私秘想法和幻想更不可抗拒。事实上，我们多数人的想像力在性接触中的想像、思考和幻想，让我们接近高潮的机会更多些。“

That is certainly the case for me.

对我来说这是真实的案例。

The problem with assuming that a given sexual fantasy (or appreciation of erotic books or films about a given subject) means anything more than being aroused by your own imagination or a form of entertainment is that it inhibits people from getting in touch with their real sexual feelings, even in their own minds. "Will this mean I'm gay? Perverted? Into group sex?" We become our own personal thought police in this way, which doesn't serve anyone's best interests. And it's not just self-policing; the idea that some kinds of fantasies are "wrong" is what leads to attempts to censor certain kinds of material, such as proposed Japanese legislation, which would have censored anime and manga art if characters looked under 18.

假设一个特定的性幻想（或欣赏一个特定情节的色情书或电影），也比被你自己的想像或一场娱乐所激动有意思得多。问题是即使是自己的大脑也会阻止人们和他们真实的性体验取得联系。 “这意味着我会是同性恋？很变态？会导致群交吗？”通过这个途径我们变成了自己的思想警察，这可不符合每个人的最佳利益。而且，它远不止于自我监管；有些幻想是“错误”的这个想法正是导致试图审查自己的原凶，正如被提议的日本法律，如果动画片或漫画书内容看似不适于18岁以下它就会被审查。

Whatever their inspiration, fantasies are deeply personal and aren't always as cut and dried as they may see. For instance, in the movie The Kids Are All Right, when Julianne Moore and Annette Bening, playing a lesbian couple, are revealed to have a stash of gay porn videos, commentators were confused. Why would lesbians watch men getting it on? Again, different strokes for different folks. There's no single way to read a sexual fantasy, just as there's no single way to interpret a dream or work of art.

无论无何，他们的灵感和性幻想都是极其私密的，不会像他们看切割或烘干那样直观。比如，在电影《孩儿们正当年》当中，当朱丽安·摩尔和安尼特·贝宁扮演的一对同性恋被揭露藏有一张男同的情色影碟，评论家们傻眼了。为什么女同看到男同的影片也能High呢？有必要再强调一次，萝卜青菜，各有所爱。没有哪一个简单方法能解读性幻想，就像没有哪一个简单方法能解读一个梦、一件艺术品那样。

The whole point of fantasies is that they exist in a space that is just for us – unless we choose to share them. Even then, they are still ours to play with as we see fit, and don't have a fixed meaning. Fantasy's role in our sexuality cannot be underestimated, but in order to truly appreciate our diverse erotic reveries, we have to get rid of the judgments attached to them.

性幻想的全部重点，是它藏在我们某处私秘空间——除非我们决定和别人分享。尽管如此，当我们看上去健康而不固执己见时，它仍然是我们的好玩伴。性幻想对我们性行为的作用不可低估，但为了真正体味多彩的性遐想，我们必需排除对它的成见。