我的绝美校花未婚妻:小测验：驱动你的核心价值是什么？

Posted: 10/22/11 11:36 AM ET

东部时间 2011年10月22日 上午11时36分

Whether we know it or not, we all possess core values that drive our existence. These values are the pillars that support the infrastructure of our lives. They are the reason why we get up in the morning. They are also the fabric of who we are as individuals, because our values -- things that are important to us -- give us meaning and a sense of identity. Through the years, our core values tend to be neglected or put aside, especially if we have become depressed or preoccupied with excessive worry over life's unavoidable difficulties. As a result, our self-esteem takes a big hit because we have lost our sense of direction. And, without that direction and purpose we don't know who we are. Realigning ourselves with our core values will gives us insight into where we can begin to put our energy immediately, and what to begin focusing on as part of the process of rebuilding our self-esteem.

不管我们知道与否，我们都拥有驱动我们活下去的核心价值。这些价值是支持我们生命基础的支柱；它们是我们早晨起床的理由；它们还是我们作为个体的表现，因为我们的价值——那些对于我们重要的东西——给了我们意义和认同感。这些年来，我们的核心价值观往往被忽视或丢到一边，特别是当我们抑郁或是因过分担心我们生活中不可避免的困难而斤斤计较时。结果因为失去了方向感，我们的自尊受到打击。没有目标和方向，我们不知道自己是谁。重新调整我们自己的核心价值观，将使我们很快知道作为重建自尊过程中的部分，何处用力，关注何物。

When we rediscover our core values and make a conscious decision to live by them as best we can, we gradually begin to see changes in our lives. And, over time, we start to feel better because we are in harmony with ourselves.

当我们重新发现我们的核心价值，并作出合理的决定尽我们最好的（努力）以之生活，就将很快看到生活的变化。随着时间的推移，我们开始感觉更好，因为我们自我和谐无间。

When I give this assignment to my patients ("Rediscovering Core Values"), many report the exercise brings up discomfort because the direct and deliberate focusing on the "self" feels overly indulgent. For example, feelings of shame are inspired, perhaps from the many years of deflecting personal attention. In many cultures it is the norm to put oneself second to the needs of others and to think of you as part of a whole, instead of a separate individual.

当我给我的病人们这个任务（重新发现核心价值），很多人报告这个任务带来不适，因为直接或者故意关注自我感觉太过个性张扬。比如，个人注意受多年影响，（让人觉得）羞耻感受到鼓励。在很多文化中，把个人放在他人需要之后，认为人是整体的一部分，而不是独立个体。

But one of the many aspects of building self-esteem is in fact, identifying and acknowledging our separateness in relation to others. But we need to keep in mind that the healthy separateness we are discussing here is not intended to mean indifference or even contentiousness with others. If we can appreciate our uniqueness and value as a person, we may be able to appreciate that in others too.

但建立自尊的一方面是，实际上确定并承认与他人的独立性。但是我们需要记住，我们这里讨论的健康的独立性，并不意味着对他人冷漠或者和他人对着干。如果我们能欣赏我们的独特性和作为一个人的价值，我们也就能够欣赏他人身上的独特之处。

Exercise

The following is a list of possible life values that may inspire ideas about our own personal core values that are important to us. Keep in mind that "life" itself cannot be used as a value for this exercise because it is too broad. The idea is to get as specific as possible.

下面是可能激发那些对我们很重要的个人核心价值的人生价值列表，记住，对于这个练习，“生命”本身不能够被作为一个价值，因为它太宽泛了。（我们的）想法是尽可能具体。

Material things are also not workable for this exercise because they are not the kinds of values we are talking about. Therefore, things like money, 401k's, real estate, cars even our iPods and smartphones are not considered values.

物质的东西对这个练习同样无效，因为它们不是我们谈论的价值。即是说，比如钱，401保险，房产，车，甚至我们的iPod和智能电话都不在考虑之列。

Please place a check mark next to the values that feel right for you. Or as mentioned, come up with your own:

请在你觉得对的价值旁边打勾，或者如提到的那样，写下你自己的。

_____Commitment to Family _____Commitment to Spouse/Partner

_____Commitment to Community _____Commitment to God

__对社区承诺         __对上帝承诺

_____Spirituality _____Health

__灵性                   __健康

_____Nutrition _____Exercise

__注重营养            __注重运动

_____Integrity _____Responsibility

_____Self-Respect _____Honesty

__自重                   __正直

_____Self-Reliance _____Sense of Humor

__自主                   __幽默

The next step is to think about what it means to begin living into at least two of these values one time per day. In other words, what actions are we willing to commit to taking each day that are in accord with these values?

下一步是一天一次从这里找至少两个价值想想它们意味着什么。换句话说，我们每天采取什么行为还符合这些价值？

For example, if one of our identified core values is our sense of Integrity and we are going to align our behaviors with that value, we may decide to make amends with a friend or an acquaintance we have fallen out of communication with in the past. We may call up a family member and perhaps open up a dialogue about an issue that is unresolved between us. Or we may be inspired to follow through on a task or a goal we have put off for a while that has been eating away at us and making us feel inadequate.

比如，如果我们认同的一个核心价值是诚信，而且我们准备使我们的行为做到那一点，我们可以决定在朋友或者之前属于联系的熟人（帮助下）做一些修正。我们可以叫上一位家人，开启就之前之间悬而未决的问题的一段对话。或者可以从之前制定的，但推迟的一个任务或者目标中受到启发，使我们找到不足。

If another identified core value is say, our spirituality and we are making a conscious decision to align our behaviors with it, we may choose to engage in some mindfulness meditation in the morning before work or afterwards. We may choose to attend services at a place of worship, we may even pick up reading materials that inspire us and reconnect us to whatever our higher power is. We may decide to be in the presence of nature such as walking in a park, on the beach or hiking in the forest. Or we may even decide to just sit somewhere quietly during our lunch break and take in the sights around us.

如果另一个认同的核心价值是我们的灵性。同时我们深思熟虑后决定使行为达到这一点，我们可以选择早晨上班前或之后，做一些正念的事情。也可以选择参加礼拜堂的服务，我们甚至可以拿起那些启发我们的读物，唤回自己的那些更高的能量。可以决定去亲近自然，比如在公园，海滩散步或者在森林远足。甚至我们可以午餐后选个地方安静的坐着，看看周围的风景。

So, after identifying two of your most important core values, use the following exercise to begin:

在选出两个你最重要的核心价值后，使用下面的练习开始：

Example:

Core value #1 - Spirituality or connecting to higher power

核心价值1 - 灵性或者链接更高的能量

Actions I will take today:

今天我要采取的行动：

1) I will practice mindfulness and/or meditation exercises every morning for 15-20 minutes before I go to work.

1）我会在每天早晨工作前练习正念或者冥想15到20分钟。

2) I will attend church, synagogue or mosque, etc., 1 time per week for services and 

2）我要去基督教堂，犹太教堂或清真寺，等等。每周服务一次。同时在那里和1到2位新认识的人交谈。

while I am there, I will engage in conversation with 1-2 new people.

3) I will do 30 minutes of mindfulness walking in nature at a park, beach, forest, etc.

3）我会做公园，海滩或者森林做30分钟的正念散步。

Exercise: List of Actions/Actions

练习：行为列表

(The list will comprise of planned actions/activities you will schedule or commit to one time per day.)

（这份名单将包括计划采取的行动/活动，安排或承诺每天一次。）

Core value #1___________________________________________________

核心价值1______________________________________

Actions I will take today:

今天我要采取的行为：

1)_____________________________________________________________

1）______________________________________

2)_____________________________________________________________

2）______________________________________

______________________________________________________________

3)_____________________________________________________________

3）______________________________________

______________________________________________________________

Core value #2____________________________________________________

核心价值2______________________________________

Actions I will take today:

今天我要采取的行为：

1)_____________________________________________________________

1）______________________________________

2)_____________________________________________________________

2）______________________________________

______________________________________________________________

3)_____________________________________________________________

3）______________________________________

If we do this exercise one time per day, every day for one month, we may notice a change or a shift in our thinking about ourselves and about our place in the world.

如果我们每天一次的做这个练习，一个月后我们会注意到变化或者我们对自己和世界看法的转变。