净香by来自远方 乐文:男人不成熟，女人是祸水？

最近我们都听到了很多关于女性崛起和男性衰落的言论。数据和自身情况都表明正当女人们全力冲向转角办公室的时候，“男人们则陷入了危机。”

It's sad that a significant block of the feminist movement was dedicated not only to the rise of women, but the utter failure of men. It's even sadder that this block seems to be succeeding. CNN reports:

令人难过的是抵制女权运动不仅阻碍了女人地位的提升，也导致了男人的完败。更令人伤心的是这个抵制似乎成功了。CNN报道：

In 1970, men earned 60% of all college degrees. In 1980, the figure fell to 50%, by 2006 it was 43%. Women now surpass men in college degrees by almost three to two. Women's earnings grew 44% in real dollars from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men. In 1950, 5% of men at the prime working age were unemployed. As of last year, 20% were not working, the highest ever recorded.

1970年，男士获得了60%的本科学位。1980年，这个数字跌至50%，而2006年之前，这个数字则为43%。有本科学历的女士比男士多近1.5倍。1970至2007年之间，女性在不动产业中赚到的钱增长了44%，相比之下，男士则只有6%的增长。1950年，正值壮年的男性只有5%没有就业。而去年，则破纪录的有20%未就业。

Success shouldn't be a zero-sum game, but evidently, that's the game we're playing. 

成功不该是一场两败俱伤的游戏，但事实上，这就是就是我们正在进行的游戏。

So who's to blame? Is it man-bashing feminists? Shifting gender roles? The ailing job market? Men? Women? Most likely an unhealthy combination of all the above. Today, however, I'm inclined to stick women in the hot seat... more specifically, myself. 

那么这应该怪谁呢？该怪攻击男性的女权主义者？性别角色替换？不良的就业环境？男人？女人？最有可能的是以上所有都病态地结合在了一起。而现在，我则更倾向于认为女性才是主因…具体的说，是我自己。

I have three jobs. Two writing and one corporate gig. Two days ago I was offered what very may well be my dream job. Mere hours ago I was offered another competitive job. Point is, I should be walking on clouds. But I'm not. Why? Because in between the dismal release of the U.S. September jobs report, accepting my dream job, and getting yet another job offer, I also broke up with my quasi-boyfriend. Sure, I lucked out in this abysmal job market, but I didn't luck out in the equally abysmal dating game. These days, finding a good man might be even harder than finding a good job.

我有三份工作。两份写作工作和一个社团演唱会的。两天以前，我得到了梦寐以求的工作。仅仅在几小时前，我得到了另一份有竞争力的工作。重点是，我本应乐到九霄云外。但我没有。这是为什么呢？因为在美国九月就业报告的发布带来的阴霾、接受我理想中的工作和得到另一份工作时，我也同我的“类男友”分道扬镳了。当然了，我在这个不景气的就业市场好运连连，但我在同样不景气的约会游戏中晦气不断。现在想要找到一个好男人比找到一份好工作难多了。

To be fair, unlike many young men today, this new quasi-ex of mine is not only gainfully employed, he has a very impressive resume. But, let's just say, our two months of pseudo-dating was a lot of me knowing what I wanted and him simply not wanting to make a decision. In between his initial "I really like you" and final "I adore you," there were a lot of "I dunnos" and "maybes." Well, maybe he just didn't like me that much. After all, that's the logical reason a guy would not want to date exclusively, right? Eh. Not really in today's dating game. 

平心而论，与现在的很多年轻男子不同的是，我的这位新前类男友不仅薪水丰厚，他也有令人过目难忘的履历。但是，这么说吧，在我们前两个月的试交往中，我几乎总是知道我要的是什么，而他简直是不愿意做出决断。在他最初的“我真的喜欢你”和最终的“我爱你”之间有太多的“我不知道”和“也许”。好吧，大概他根本就没那么喜欢我。毕竟这就是一个男人不愿和你单独约会的合理原因，对吧？呃。在当今的约会游戏中，其实并不是这样的。  

Of course, I had emailed a handful of my best friends by the time 9 a.m. hit this morning, and -- as is to be expected -- they all responded sympathetically. But, what was most surprising (and arguably more upsetting than the actual quasi-breakup) was that almost all of them responded with a resounding "UGH. I know how you feel."

当然，我给一票好友发了电邮，今早收到了回复，并且--如我所愿--她们都充满同情地回复了我。但最令人惊讶（明显比和类男友分手更令人难过）的是，她们几乎都这样回复“啊，我明白你的感受。”

We all seem to keep running into guys who simply don't know what they want. Sure, they like us, but they can't seem to make up their minds if they like us just enough to date us.

我们似乎都向根本不知道自己想要什么的男人奔去。当然了，他们喜欢我们，但他们似乎不能确定自己是否喜欢我们到能约会的地步。

In her article "Are women leaving men behind?" Hanna Rosin claims that "[i]n certain segments of society, men are struggling to stay relevant in this rapidly changing economy, as manufacturing jobs disappear. Women, meanwhile, are making many more of the decisions: how to raise the children, manage the money, even whether to get married at all."

在她的文章“女人是否超越了男人？”，汉娜·罗辛称“在某些社会分工中，当制造业工作消失时，男人们在为能这个风云急速变幻的经济中保持头脑清醒而苦苦挣扎。此时女人们正做出更多的决定：如何带孩子、管理金钱，甚至考虑是否有结婚的必要。”

Men's immature indecisiveness and unwillingness to commit have left women making the decisions and issuing a lot of ultimatums.

男人的不成熟，不果断和不愿意做出承诺使得女人不得不当机立断并发出一众最后通牒。

If you don't want to date exclusively, we're done.

如果你不愿意单独约会，我们就吹了吧。

If you don't move in, I'm going to move to a new city and we will break up.

如果你不行动起来，我就搬到另一个城市并和你分手。

If you don't want to come over, I'm going to go hook up with someone else.

如果你不愿意过来，我就找别的人交往 。

And therein lies the reason I'm sticking women in the hot seat. Why are we settling for ultimatums? Why do we accept having to force them to be with us? Adolescent men with continue to be adolescent men until something or someone forces them to grow up. For some reason this immature behavior is not only persisting, it's getting worse and women are getting more and more frustrated. We just have to stop. Stop putting up with the uncommitted hooking up. Stop with the ultimatums. Stop indulging the immaturity.

且其中就有我陷入困境的原因。为什么我们会安于发出最后通牒？我们为什么接受必须强迫他们和我们在一起（这个观点）？如果没有人或事情强制他们成长，黄毛小子始终只会是黄毛小子。出于某些原因，这种不成熟的行为不仅会持续，而且还会变本加厉，令女人愈加沮丧。我们必须停下来。停止继续和这种不负责任的勾引纠缠。停止发出最后通牒。停止纵容这些不成熟（行为）。

Ha. Easier said than done.

哈，说起来总比做起来容易。

In one of the aforementioned emails I received this morning, in which a handful of professional young women were commiserating about the unfortunate state of guys, a girlfriend asked, "So does this mean we become lesbians, find new boys, or pretend that we don't care about finding new boys even though we do?"

在上述的今早收到的电邮中，有一票年轻的职业女性都对男性的窘境表示同情，其中一封电邮中一位女友问到：“这是不是意味着我们会变成女同、找新男友或甚至是在我们想要找新男友时装作对此漠不关心？”

"I don't know what we should do," I said, "I guess just be happy with what we can control (our jobs, social lives... pretty much everything but men) and then hope somewhere along the way a nice guy wakes up and realizes that it's time to man up, too."

“我不知道我们该怎么做，”我说，“我猜我们应该对我们能够控制的事感到庆幸（我们的工作，社会生活……还有很多东西，除了男人）然后也希望将来的某天会有位大好青年清醒地意识到现在是该成熟起来的时候了。”

No matter how much we're succeeding in pretty much every other walk of life, women are failing miserably at beating back that pesky thing called Mother Nature. So, guys, you might not have a clue what you want these days, but hopefully now you have a faint idea of what women want. If you can't man up and commit, at least stop leading us on with those meaningless "I like yous," romantic dinners, and confusing post-breakup texts.

无论我们在生活的各个方面有多成功，女人在反击那个叫“母性”的烦人东西时总是难过不已。所以，男人们，你们也许完全不知道你们想要什么，但但愿你们现在能对女人想要什么有个模糊的概念。如果你不能成熟起来并承担责任，至少停止把我们引向那些毫无意义的“我喜欢你”、浪漫晚餐和含混不清的分手后短信。

Follow Rachel Ryan on Twitter: www.twitter.com/rachelryan1004