男闺蜜当道：为什么你们只是朋友？

　　《失恋33天》与《我可能不会爱你》等一批探讨和好友间的感情发展问题的电影电视引来了广泛关注。男闺蜜们也不禁要思考：为什么我只能跟她做朋友呢？

　　Why You're Just Friends

　　为什么我跟她只是朋友？

　　We've all been there -- crushing on that girl we're hanging out with, thinking this might actually go somewhere. And the more time we're spending together, the more we realize how much we actually like her: how she talks, how she laughs, that she can chill with us like one of the guys.

　　我们都有过这样的经历：对经常跟我们混在一起的那个女生有了感觉，觉得大家的关系可能会有所发展。跟她在一起的时间越久，我们就越发意识到有多喜欢她：她说话的样子，她笑起来的样子，她会像兄弟一般陪伴在我们身边。

　　And then there's that moment, when we realize that we haven't really made a move yet. Were we waiting for her to go for it? Were we not sure she'd be into it? All of the sudden, she's talking about another dude, she's bringing you into the bathroom with her while we're talking on the phone and calling us for advice.

　　也就是在那一刻，我们意识到，我们的关系其实并没有更进一步。在等她挑明？不确定她是不是懂你的心？然后突然有一天，她嘴里眼里心心念念的是另外一个人，打电话给你寻求恋爱意见，实实在在的从头到脚给你泼了一瓢冷水。

　　8. She Feels Rejected

　　她觉得被拒之门外

　　When you purposely go into the "friend zone" a girl might immediately put you into the friend-only category because, although she might have initially felt some sort of attraction to you, she now feels that you do not share those feelings and it's hard to switch back after a deep friendship has been formed. It’s hard to change our minds back unless something happens to change our perspective.

　　如果你有意想进入她的“朋友专区”，那她可能会立马把你划到“只能做朋友”的类别中。虽然她可能在刚开始对你有吸引的感觉，但是一旦她感觉到你并没有分享同样的感受，而你们之间已经建立了深厚的友情，那她的感觉就很难拨乱反正了。除非有什么事情发生让我们改变看问题的视角，否则我们的思维是就很难再变回去了。

　　7. She's Already Moved On

　　她已经开始了新感情

　　I have a timing threshold between when a guy becomes a "friend I could potentially date" and a "friend who will only ever be a friend." What happens with the timing thing is that once I become close to a guy, with the "he's one of my best friends" mindset, it's past the point of no return. He's the one I turn to when I have problems with the guy I might be dating at the time, the one I'm not afraid to let see me looking my worst, and the one I can rely on when I need anything. But, this is always with the understanding that he's my friend. Nothing more.

　　女生的心里是有个时机门槛的：“可能会约会的朋友”和“只能做朋友的朋友”可大不一样。这个时机就是，一旦女生跟某个男生很亲密，心里有了“他会是我最好的朋友”的想法，那么这个时机就过了，再也无法回头了。最好的朋友，意味着我会跟他聊我恋爱中的所有问题，我也不怕让他看到我最丑的样子，我有任何需要都可以指望他。但在我的心里，他只是我的朋友，再无其他。

　　6. You're Not Being Decisive

　　你太过犹豫不决

　　Women are into decisive men who know what they want. Women want to feel wanted and swept off their feet. The whole "friendship" gimmick is not attractive to women. If that's your approach to a woman you're interested in, you're showing that you're indecisive, scared and don't know what you're looking for. They want you to see their potential right away and then pursue them.

　　女人喜欢决绝果断，明确知道自己想要什么的男人。这样女人才会有一种被需要的感觉，会让她们神魂颠倒。“友情”这种骗人的把戏对女人没有吸引力。如果培养友情是你接近感兴趣的姑娘的方式，那么你就是在表现自己不够果断、战战兢兢和无所适从的一面。女人想要你马上看到她的潜力，然后展开攻势。

　　5. You're Afraid Of Dating

　　你在害怕约会

　　I think that you've come to rationalize avoiding something that's difficult for you. You have to learn to date. I know it's awkward and scary, but what you're doing [if you try to be friends first] is trying to find some shortcut or loophole or easy way out that will allow you to avoid doing something that I think you know you need to do. This same psychology is why overweight people keep buying miracle pills instead of getting on the treadmill.

　　只做朋友不恋爱，我觉得你只是在合理地避免一些困难的事情，你必须学会如何约会。我知道约会很尴尬很吓人，但如果你想先做朋友，那你只是在走捷径找漏洞，用轻松简单的相处方式让你可以免于约会里的种种麻烦。这跟超重的人拼命买特效药而不愿意运动减肥的心理是一样的。

　　4. You Haven't Made Her Feel Desirable

　　你没有让她觉得自己魅力不可挡

　　Of course you should be respectful and not treat women as objects, but it is quite possible to do that and act like a man and make a woman feel like she is beautiful and desirable at the same time. Women don't want to be treated as porcelain dolls -- they want to be treated as adults. And in the context of dating, most of them like being treated as attractive, sexy adults by a man who acts like a man, not one who acts like a starstruck boy.

　　你当然应该尊重女性不能拿她们当玩物，但是同时你也应该像个男人一样，让女人觉得她很漂亮很有魅力。女人可不想被人当瓷娃娃一样对待，你得拿她们当成年人看待。在约会的情况下，女性大都希望能被对方当做魅力而性感的成年人对待，而相对地，男性也别表现得像个幼稚的追星族一样。

　　3. You Haven't Asked For A Date

　　你从来没有开过口

　　By not asking for a date you are implicitly saying, "I don't want to audition -- don't consider me for the role." Unless you are irresistible, most women will be perfectly OK to have a male friend like that in perpetuity while they continue to search for the right partner.

　　从不开口表示想和她约会的心情，就像是在暗示她：“我不想试镜，别考虑我来演这个角色。” 除非你真是魅力强大无可抵挡，否则大部分的女性对身边有这样一个永远的男性朋友都会表示完全能接受，而她们还能继续找寻自己对的那个人。

　　So, ask them for a date and/or make it clear that you want to be more than a friend. The worst that will happen is they will say no, and you will have saved yourself a lot of time you would have spent wondering whether this friendship will turn into a romantic relationship.

　　所以啊，要开口说我想跟你约会，或者表露心迹：我不只是想跟你做朋友。最坏的结果也只是她拒绝了你，这样你可就省了花时间心思来琢磨你们的友情能不能发展成爱情了。

　　2. She Hasn't Seen Your Guns

　　她没看到你的身材优势

　　I suggest accidentally showing off your muscles. It sounds stupid, I know, but I can't even remember the number of times some girlfriends and I have had a conversation along the lines of, "Oh my god, did you see X's biceps/hip muscles/forearms today? Who knew?! So hot!" If you don't have muscles, then work out. At least your arms.

　　建议你时不时地秀一下自己的肌肉，我知道可能听起来有点傻，但我真的不记得有多少次跟我的女朋友有过这样的对话模式：“天啦，你今天有没有看到那个谁谁谁的二头肌/翘臀/强壮的臂弯？谁知道怎么会这么性感啊！” 如果你没有肌肉，那就要去健身，至少练练手臂。

　　1. She Hasn't Seen Your Skills

　　她没看到你的能力

　　I suggest having them see you in your most natural habitat doing what you do best. Confidence, concentration and skill in action is very attractive that women are responsive to. Some women will be turned on by computing skills, others by artistic ability, some by funniness, others by quiet loner-ness, etc. It's not that hard to figure out.

　　建议你让她们看到你在最熟悉的工作环境中做最擅长事情的样子。自信、专注和采取行动的能力会让女人觉得很有吸引力，女人会吃这一套。有些女人喜欢电脑技能强的，有些喜欢艺术能力优秀的，有些则爱幽默感十足的，还有人则会着迷于那种安静忧郁系的男人，想要搞清楚绝对不难。