偷吃蜜糖:五个失败后扪心自问的绝妙问题

我们面对现实吧。我们都会失败。

As we go through life we have relationships that don’t work out,  jobs that just aren’t right, exams that we flunk, initiatives that don’t succeed. The more new things we try the more failures we are likely to have. In fact, the only way to avoid failure is to do nothing new.

我们在生活中都会经历无结果的恋情，不合衬的工作，没及格的考试，未达成的愿望。越是尝试新鲜事物越是容易失败。实际上，避免失败的唯一方式就是停滞不前。

The important thing is how we deal with failure. It can be part of a downward slide in which lack of confidence reinforces feelings of inadequacy and incompetence. But experiencing failure can be a learning experience and an opportunity for a fresh start. A good way to begin this process is by asking yoruself some tough questions.

如何处理失败才是重点。它可以是缺乏自信加重不称职和无竞争力感觉的一段下坡路。但经历失败也可以是一次学习的经历和一次重新开始的机会。进入这个过程的有效方法就是扪心自问一些棘手的问题。

1.  What can I learn from this?  Take responsibility for what went wrong. OK, so it was not all your fault – but some of it was. Successful people don’t make excuses or blame others. They take ownership of the issues. Be critical but constructive. Try to look at the experience objectively.  Make a list of the key things that happened. Analyze the list step-by-step and look for the learning points.

1.我们能从中学到什么？为我们的失误负责。好吧，这并不全是你的错--但有一部分是的。成功人士不会找借口或怪别人。他们会对事件负责。提出有建设性的批判。就事论事地看待这次经验。给发生过的事件列表。逐步研究这张表格，并找出可以学习的地方。

2.  What could I have done differently? What other options did you have? What choices did you make? How could you have handled it differently? With the benefit of hindsight, what different steps would you have taken?

2.你还可以怎样做呢？你有其它选择么？你做出了怎样的选择？你之前的选择是什么？你能以不同的方式完成它么？有事后觉悟的帮助，你会采取哪些不同的步骤呢？

3.  Do I need to acquire or improve some skills? Did the problem reveal some lack of skill on your part? How could you learn or improve those skills? Perhaps there are books or courses or people you could turn to. Make a self-development plan to acquire the skills and experiences you need.

3.我需要学习或提升哪些技能？这个问题显示了你在技能方面的哪些缺憾？你如何学习或提高这些技能呢？也许你可以向书籍或课程或是别人寻求帮助。制定一个获取技能和经验的自我提升计划。

4.  Who can I learn from? Is there someone to whom you can turn to for advice? Did a boss, colleague or a friend see what happened? If they are constructive and supportive then ask them for some feedback and guidance. Most people do not ask for help because they believe it to be a sign of weakness rather than strength. It’s not. It shows that you are ready to learn and change. Any good friend will be happy to help.

4.我能向谁学习呢？有没有你可以指望的人来为你提出建议呢？有没有哪个上司、同事或朋友知道事情的始末？如果他们有建设性且支持你那就向他们寻求一些反馈和指点吧。很多人都相信寻求帮助是软弱而不是强悍的标志，所以他们选择闭门造车。这不对。寻求帮助表明你已经做好了学习和改变的准备。任何好朋友都会乐意帮你的。

5.  What will I do next? Now draw up an action plan. Will you try something similar or something different? Revisit your goals and objectives. This reversal has been a setback on your journey but think of it as a diversion rather than a halt. You can now reset your sights on your destination and plan a new course.

5.我接下来要如何做呢？现在就制定一份行动计划吧。你会尝试相似的事物还是完全不同的呢？重新审视你的意向和目标。这次的不如意是你旅途中的挫折，但请把它看成一个拐点而不是终点吧。你可以重新瞄准你的目标并制定一个新的行程计划。

If you read the life stories of successful people – especially inventors, explorers, scientists or statesmen –  you will find that their early careers are littered with failures. Walt Disney, Thomas Edison and Henry Ford are typical examples. Abraham Lincoln, suffered many defeats in his career in politics including losing the nomination for vice president in 1856 and his second run at being a U.S. Senator in 1858. Two years later he was elected president.

如果你读过成功人士的故事-特别是那些发明家、探险者、科学家或是政客的故事--你会发现他们的早期生涯满是失败。沃尔特·迪士尼，托马斯·爱迪生和亨利·福特都是典型案例。亚伯拉罕·林肯在他的政治生涯中屡遭挫败，其中就包括1856年副总统提名落选及1958年的续任美国参议员失败。两年后，他当选了总统。

The important point is to use your setbacks as learning experiences and make them stepping stones to future success. There are always positives you can take from every episode in your life. Asking yourself these five questions can help find them.

重点在于把得你的挫折当作学习经验使，并把他们当成你日后成功的基石。你人生中的每段情节中都有积极的部分可供提取。扪心自问这5个问题可以帮助你解决它们。

Paul Sloane is an author and speaker on leadership, innovation and lateral thinking. His most recent book is The Innovative Leader. He helps organizations improve innovation, creativity and leadership. He is the founder of Destination Innovation. He has written 15 books of lateral thinking puzzles and hosts thelateral puzzles forum. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/PaulSloane.